Random feeling

Its been quite some time already... if i have to count it..it will be a year and a month? i don't even notice that time flies so fast... Many things in life have change... i have this stupid hair style, growing fatter... gosh! I don't even know what am i typing right now... Just found out lately that there is this someone who deleted all the past memories... she deleted her blogs, friendster, mails i assume too? its a good thing too..erasing everything...i wish i could do it too... i've been kindna unfair towards her in many ways... i get mad easily at her...purposely find fault with her.. i just can't control myself...i guess i'm still blaming her for letting me go... blaming her for leaving me alone... although it seems like i'm the one leaving her when she needs all support to be a stronger person in life... well, what can we do when things come to this point? just wish i could find someone to rely on... but no matter how good that person is.. it will never replace my best friends place... its just a title... what for? i can never help her in her life anymore.. i do not mean anything to her... but she once told me that i'm one of her guardian angels... who wish to protect her and give the best blessings in eerything in life... the only thing i want her to be is happy...but i don't seem to give her any..hahaz... pathetic huh? this is life... this is me and her.. this is C&T